Where Things Come From
by Weird Al Ian
Summary: Another of life's little mysteries answered...


_Where Things Come From_

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Once upon a time, long, long ago, in a faraway place called Townsville, there lived a man of science. He was a kindly man, but his hometown was not a kindly one. There was crime everywhere, and big, scary monsters to eat the townspeople. It wasn't a nice place to live. So the man, whose name was Professor Utonium, made up his mind to do something about it. He would make Townsville a better place.

Professor Utonium had always wanted to have children, but he was not married. A long, long time ago, you were supposed to be married to have children, but not anymore, but that's another story. But being a scientist and inventor, he knew how to make a little girl using sugar, spice and everything nice. So that is what Professor Utonium did.

But something went wrong. An accident happened in Professor Utonium's laboratory. A secret ingredient called Chemical X accidentally fell into the little girl mixture, and before Professor Utonium could do anything about it, there was a big explosion in the laboratory.

Instead of making a little girl, Professor Utonium wound up making three little girls. Their names aren't important, and it happened such a long, long time ago that no one can remember them anyway. Together, though, they were called the Powerpuff Girls.

The secret Chemical X gave these new little girls special super powers, which they used to end the crime and make the monsters stop eating the townspeople. They were called the Powerpuffs because of that power, but no one remembers anymore why they were called Puffs. It isn't important why, only that they were, as you will soon learn.

But everyone knows the name of Professor Utonium today. Those little girls wound up making him famous around the world, and very rich, too.

Professor Utonium loved his new little girls. But he soon realized that having kids wasn't all that it was cracked up to be. They broke many things in his house, and all over town. They didn't mean to, but they did. Sometimes he wished he hadn't made them, because instead of making money from his wonderful invention, it was costing him money.

One day, he got his wish. There was finally a monster who came to town that wasn't afraid of the powerful little girls, and it picked them up and ate them. When they didn't come home that day, Professor Utonium began to worry. Then the Mayor of Townsville came to his house and told Professor Utonium what happened. He showed Professor Utonium the three dresses that the girls wore. The monster had spit them out because they didn't taste good.

Professor Utonium cried and cried. The Mayor handed him one of the dresses to dry his eyes with, and Professor Utonium realized that the dresses were very soft and extra absorbent, and his scientist's mind immediately got the idea that perhaps he could make a very good facial tissue from them. The Mayor told Professor Utonium not to be sad, because he could just make more little girls.

"That's right, I can!" Professor Utonium said with a smile, and he thanked the Mayor and went right about making more girls. Soon, the one monster, and many others like it, were showing up at Professor Utonium's house and paying good money for the new, tasty treat.

Professor Utonium began to wonder how he could make even more money by selling them to the townspeople. First, he had to solve a few problems with the formula.

He tried making them small enough for people to eat. That he was able to do. But they didn't have that satisfying crunch to them, and eating little girls was sort of icky, anyway. So he tinkered some more with the formula. By the time he got through, he was using completely new ingredients, and what came out didn't look anything like little girls, except for the main ingredient, cheese, giving them the color of one of the girl's hair.

But the people of Townsville didn't mind. They loved the new invention, and soon, people were coming from miles around to buy the new, crunchy snack, and the very soft and extra absorbent facial tissue that they dried their tears of happiness with. There was crime and monsters again, but nobody cared. And Professor Utonium became rich and famous.

So, the next time you go to the store for a bag of Cheese Puffs, or a box of Puffs Facial Tissue, you will remember the story of the three little girls whose names no one remembers.


End file.
